theaudientvoid:

Ryan: Having two kids, 90% of what I do when I’m at home is clean things.

Gavin: Like, clean up after your kids?

Michael: Dude, they’re little assholes.

Ryan: I spent the entire Saturday morning cleaning the kitchen, and it is already fucking destroyed.

Michael: The thing is… the thing that really does me in, is… cleaning is one thing, cleaning to me is, like… I don’t know… like, dishes? Something that’s dirty.

Ryan: Yeah.

Michael: You know what I mean? Dishes or laundry or whatever? But now what’s a huge pain in the ass, and has been for the past couple months, is just picking shit up.

Ryan: Yep.

Michael: Got all that shit on the shelf? [makes swiping motion with arm] Now it’s on the floor. So I’ll pick it up and put it back on the shelf. [swiping motion] Now it’s on the floor again. It never ends.

Jack: I will say, that my two first world… services that I pay for, and I am 100% happy for, is we have a cleaning service that comes to our house every two weeks, and also we have mowers that come to our house every two weeks.

Ryan: I’ve got mowers too. The cleaning service would die if they came to my house.

Michael: Like I said. For me, cleaning wouldn’t really do anything, because cleaning isn’t going to pick my kid’s shit up every ten minutes.

Jack: Yeah. That sucks.

Ryan: Thankfully, my kids are old enough to the point where now it’s like: “Alright. Clean that shit up.” Although I say it much nicer than that. “Alright kids, time to clean up.”

Gavin: If you had $40 million, you could have live in help.

Ryan: No. I don’t want anyone living in my house. There’s enough people living in my fucking house already.

Michael: Also, I don’t want my kid to be an asshole. Like, “Hey. Someone else will pick up your shit.” Once she’s old enough, I’ll be like, “You pick up your shit, dickhead.”

Gavin: Have you ever called Iris a dickhead?

Michael: Absolutely. I don’t give a fuck.